Spitting Game

It is an art. It is a gift. It can be worked on and enhanced, much like any muscle or skill, but we all have built in limits. Hitting on the ladies is serious skill. I know, I know, here we go again with another post about girls and dating. Sorry, but they are one of the most fascinating subjects that I face on a regular basis.

I’ve been chasing girls since I was a kindergartner. I remember when the girls tagged me, I would feel a shot through my heart. Butterflies exploded in a glorious array of colors and lights inside of my chest. And that was just a tag. So, maybe, just maybe, you can understand the type of feelings that are released when I am with them. Euphoric? Maybe too much. Suffice it to say, happy.

What really got me think about this is being in the land of milk and honey. Provo, UT. Young beautiful women are everywhere. The other night we were at a campfire. I listened in on a conversation between some dude and a young lady.

(Names have been changed, because who is named Orlee?)
“Hey, good to see you Orlee.”
“Yeah! How are you?” the usual introduction.. yada yada… you could care less about that. After several minutes of talking about garbage...
“Orlee, I think I’m going to head out.” No reaction from her other than... “Ok, good to see you. Later.” The man was confused. She wasn’t biting on his hint. She didn’t fight for him, asking him to stick around. He wanted, “OH NO! Dooooonnnn’tttttt leave!!!!!” He leaves though, head bowed down.

Suddenly, from the dark, maybe seven minutes later, homeboy is back. And ‘b-lines’ it for Orlee. “Oh, you’re back?” She says, obviously confused. “Yeah…. I just” bogus excuses… Then the first date questions are launched. The guy is sending out the same old trash that cavemen used. Which is not game. Just watch Hitch (because that is the Bible of dating). “What is your favorite color? What is your favorite movie? What calling in the ward do you have?”

BLAH BLAH BLAH. Right Kesha?
“So, just hush baby, shut up. Heard enough. Stop, stop, stop talking that. Blah, blah, blah think you’ll be getting this? Nah, nah, nah. Not in the back of my car, car, car. If you keep talking that blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.” Terrible song, but comes close to what I am getting at

Just a bunch of filler words and questions. It made me nauseas. The man was trying so hard to create a conversation. He even said, “Oh, what is something exciting we could talk about next.” PALEASE. Dude, be you. Just be you.

I am no expert. I do not pretend to be. I struggle getting a girls number. I usually just send a friend to do it or just stare at the girl. I do know one truth, girls like real. They like the real person, the personality, the drive, the inner being, the person underneath the skin shell that is trying to achieve life’s purpose. That is the great secret.

I do not think there is a great one liner that slays any woman. I doubt blonde headed blue eyed men are better looking than any other man (besides redheads. Ugly, like sin). And I know buying a fish, as a gift, is a bad idea, they always die. A fish cannot be the symbol of a relationship…. Can anyone define omen or foreshadowing for the fool who buys a fish for his girl? Unless its a tiger shark. That is what I like to call passionate. I lost my train of thought….

Oh real. When you are real, then you’ll really want to know the real them. It won’t be this facade that we often put up. A refreshing idea right? Be you. The army is right, be all you can be. Unlock your potential by being yourself.

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