Every college or university has some kind of rite of passage that one must go through to become legit. Like paying tuition isn’t enough to say that you are apart of the University. Or painting your entire body for a football game. Nope, not enough. You have to do something that the student body president and his/her cronkies decided was clever. Like being a “true T-Bird”.
Homecoming week has a night called, “True T-Bird Night.” On Friday night everyone, and I mean everyone, the ugly, the wierdos, the tough guys, gather around this statue of Old Sorrel. At midnight everyone lubes up their lips and kisses another person. Cool huh? It is a perfect excuse to just get some undeserving action. The problem is that you cannot just show up and kiss a stranger. No, no, you have to secure a for sure lip smack. Get on the dial, call everyone you know, text em, facebook em. Whatever you have to do, because going stag to that exclusive club could be suicide. UNLESS, you are a balsy son of a gun. If you got the guts to go alone and kiss a stranger, then you are a baller. Baller status. I mean, if someone does that, they enter into the HOF. No questions asked. They get a gold jacket.
This is the only time of year, well besides New Years, that you can ask for a booty call. There is a problem with this though… isn’t there? I mean, giving up a kiss, like a… slut? Lip whore? I dunno, it just doesn’t settle right with me. What does that say about yourself? Like just this one night I will let down my standards and kiss some shmoe, that will mean nothing. Call me old fashioned, but pointless kisses and make outs seem so lame. Plus, I really don’t see the correlation between a stupid kiss and becoming a true T-Bird.
If I was student body president, also known as SBP, I would make being a true T-bird a lot cooler and more exclusive. In order to be a true T-bird, when I am SBP, you have to either:
A. Have a dance off with the Mascot at the center of what ever playing surface he is at… and win. Obviously. We aren’t giving this title out like oranges at AYSO games.
B. Attempt the gallon challenge on the front row of your math class. This also MUST be documented. Yeah, you have to hold it down for at least 10 seconds. Duh.
C. Sleep in the Presidents home or within two feet of any door. But if you are on the outside, you have to stay there until you are discovered.
D. Water balloon people in the library during finals.
I am up for suggestions. I would feel a lot more proud to be a true T-bird doing these things… for sure.