I got some issues man, some real issues, with my homies girlfriends. I don’t hate em, just urked. I hate getting replaced, and that is exactly what has happened. I went from the starting lineup to the bench, but unlike my counterpart World Peace, I’m no team player; I am upset. Green with envy of these girls, that they get to spend all that time with ‘ma boyz’. What do they have that I don’t? Girls have some great qualities and advantages. I can admit that. One thing that I will not accept is they can replace me.
First of all, they are not more fun than me. For real, how could they be? Girls aren’t funny/fun, sure there are some exceptions (Tina Fey, Kristen Wigg, and……). Sure, girls can be clever, make you chuckle/laugh quietly to yourself, but they’ll never make you lose your shorts in laughter. Ever. As for fun… oh my gosh. Kissing could fill that void for awhile, but that fades, and then what do you have? Zero fun, that’s what.
Secondly, the boys have to alter their personality for them. For instance, they gotta watch their tongue, pretend that they don’t fart, that they actually want to watch lame TV, and diet Coke is good. C’mon man. That’s not you. You love to say the B word. It is funny. You have the worst smelling farts ever, and you love to share your brand. And I know you would NOT choose to watch shows that are similar or are like: The Bachelor. As for the Diet Coke crap. Really dude? Really?
Finally, she is cutting into our time. You know, the time where we “do stuff”. Now all of the sudden you can’t play ball, or you can’t come with me to do hood rat things. Instead, I do hood rat things on my own, and look like a real tool. I pulled off of a sweet gig the other day, and guess what? I still haven’t told you guys. Then I went to a movie by myself the other night. You know how depressing that was? I had to go to the middle of the theater by myself then I left before the credits even started.
You have to take what I say with a grain of salt. I’m just super ornery right now. Forgive me.