I have a new guilty pleasure. It’s called Thumb. It is a phone app (free) that has changed the way I view the world around me. If I ever have a question, I don’t ask my family, friends, or an eight ball, I ask the advisers of Thumb. Lemme give you some examples:
“Would you be a surrogate mother for Charlie Sheen?”
Surprisingly, only 85% of the 78 votes said they would. However, Luis U., from California said that he would because “then he would have tigers blood in [him].” Maybe Luis and I do not know what being a surrogate mother really demands. Gaz T. said, “I’ll give it a go.” Way to go Gaz!
Not a single woman from my survey said that they would, only men said yes… Interesting.
“Are human bodies a viable fertilizer?”
The voting was close, 48% said yes, while 52% said no, out of 124 votes. Conor M. said, “Only [if the bodies] are murder victims.” This kind of question would bring out the best of ‘my people’. Jordan L. thought it was a good idea in case of the “Zombie Apocalypse.” I am pretty sure dead humans, who were killed by Zombies, become Zombies. Thanks for playing Jordan.
Elisabeth C. from Rhode Island thanked me for the great tip and called me ‘sir’. i have that kind of respect in the community. Mike R. reassured me that human bodies would be great for my garden, by responding, “Fact.” Amanda B. disagreed though, and simply said, “Horseshit.” She could be talking about my question or that horseshit is in fact a better fertilizer. I guess I’ll give horseshit a try first.
“The entire state of New Mexico should be annexed from the union. Right?”
Of the 109 votes, ranging from Oregon to Florida, 72% gave me the thumbs down. Leeky S. asked, “Why? Were they bad?” We can all assume that Leeky has no credibility, with a name like Leeky and he has never been to New Mexico. Then, Jane F., called me racist. She is right though. I am; I am racist against aliens. New Mexico is another planet. Thus, those who live on this other planet are aliens. Watch the X-files Jane.
“Are you allowed to store pet gators in storage units?”
107 voters, 21% gave me the affirmative nod. The majority was pretty concerned for the animals well being. Jamie N. educated me, “[Gators] can break out of anything. They are very strong and mean. It would eat you one day lol.” Good to know Jamie. I never knew reptilian had super strength. Another person, Lee T. told me I was stupid. Melinda B. from Texas added insult to injury by asking me if I rode the short bus. I told her that I am not allowed on public transit. She gave me the ‘lol’. These guys and their jokes….
Voting on other people’s questions can be really fun too. You get a lot of people asking if they are good looking. I like those ones, cause 95% of the time, they aren’t. I have been asked where to buy Uggs, if I have tried African Mango (not the fruit I found out later), and how long it took me to learn English.
The advisers of Thumb have become a huge asset to me. They have helped me determine if I should be at my wife’s third delivery, even if I am not the father. If Sarah Palin is dumber than a bag of hair. And finally, if Nicolas Cage is actually a vampire.