love, questions, relationship., that sucks, women

Happy Valentine’s Day.

Last V-day, I was…. what was I doing? Cant remember; pretty memorable day. This is the third post in a month, revolving around women and love. Sorry, its Februany, I got the love bug.

So, in order to make this V-day memorable, and in honor of this “give me a thoughtful ‘I LOVE you’ gift” day, I decided to kick it off right by watching the “Bachelor”. What could show me, a cold hearted animal, what it feels like to be in love, better than a “non-scripted, reality” TV show. If you are a doubter, like I was, you need to watch it at least once in your life. I promise, you’ll come away with more questions about love than answers. I really did enjoy it, mostly because of how authentic and organic it all feels. Nothing seems fake or planned, it really comes across natural and real.
NOTE: I had to keep my head from falling off of my neck…. I was rolling my eyes so hard.
I could go on and on about the show (just after one episode, its THAT juicy), but I’ll just say this about the show: Courtney has a real shot at getting a spot on a soap opera. She makes the show. As well as how dense Ben is.

Like I said, after I was done with the Bachelor, I had more questions than answers about the L word and its associated feelings. I thought it prudent to turn to men who have always been considered connoisseurs of love. Take a listen, because these tracks are love-making music baby. If  these songs don’t make you put on the smolder face and nod your head, you have neither a heart or ears.

Did you notice what all those videos have in common? That’s right, a black man with soul. That led me to the only black man I am close enough to talk to about love, and oddly enough he is in love, Mowgli. Now, I know we have had him on the blog before, but never has he been more of an expert on love than he is at this moment. The interview was not exactly what I was hoping for…. meaning, it was pretty bland/boring/it sucks. Maybe, it was my monotone voice or that he didn’t really want to play my game.

Me: Sean, what kind of feeling is love like, a shot through the heart, or the kind of feeling that makes you wanna say, ‘come on, and love me sexy’?
Sean: Come on and love me sexy.
Me: So, you’d agree with Jackie Moon?
Sean: Jackie Moon says it best.
Does he really believe that? C’mon and suck me sexy? My magic eight ball says, ‘DOUBTFUL.’

Me: When do you know you’re in love; when you are over checking them out or when you finally can stand hearing them chew their gum?
Sean: Good question. I feel like when you are over checking them out though.
Me: Is love a ‘many a … splendid thing’? (Don’t watch that whole clip. Nicole Kidman is such a whore.)
Sean: Sure, I guess.
Can’t blame him for not knowing the reference, the last Romantic movie he saw was The Vow. He even gave it three and half stars out of five…. Weak. 

Me: Does love actually affect your physical composition?
Sean: Yes.
Me: In what way?
I had heard it changes the way your heart is shaped.
Sean: Chuckle. I can’t tell you. It’s inappropriate.
He must be talking about the pleats in his dress pants. 

Me: When people say they fell in love, what does that mean? And did that happen to you?
Sean: Yes.
Me: K. It happened to you.What does that mean?
Sean: It means the other person tripped them. So…
Me: Alright, you gunna go with that?
He nods his head, and rubs his eyes.It apparent that he couldn’t care less. The amount he cares is so minimal that I can barely stand it. 

Me: K… Have you ever lied and said you loved someone?
Sean: Yeah.
Me: Who?
Sean: You.
Both Sean and Hillary chuckle then laugh. He laughs a little too hard at his own joke. Unfazed by their lack of cooperation and humor, I continue with the interview; like a professional.
Me: Sex. What are your thoughts on its connection to love?
Sean: I feel like it is a necessary step, to show your love, after the appropriate steps have been taken.
Then he says something that I can’t hear, but it’s probably really boring. 

Me: What was Eric Clapton really saying when he said, ‘Would you know my name, if I saw you in Heaven,’?
Sean: Ha…I think he’s admiring an angel from afar, and he wonders if she notices him too.
Me: Sarcastically. Do you really think it is a love song though?
Sean: Uh, probably.
Gives me an annoyed look and laugh. Probably? You’re damn right it is. 

Me: Are you a selfish lover?
Sean: No.
Me: What makes you so unselfish?
Sean: I am a generous person.
I laugh inside this time. Generous. 
Me: So, could you ever fall in love with a man?
Sean: No. He chuckles. I wonder why he chuckled. I wouldn’t chuckle at that. 
Me: Whats the shortest amount of time you have been in love?
Sean: Uh…Long pause. Six days.
Me: Who?
Sean: You. He laughs at his own joke again.

In conclusion, I now know that Sean doesn’t have an essential element of the true black man, i.e. Romantic – soul. He has no idea about love. I am no closer to the end of my quest and frustrated more than ever.  This search is starting to feel like Zelda, The Ocarina of Time, on N64.

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