sunday stories

Sunday Stories: Bonkers

When I was a kid, I was loud. I talked a lot, I made a lot of sounds, I was noisy. Luckily, I grew out of that…

My peak was when I was in fourth grade. I’m  guessing that is my peak, because I have a story to tell about it. I was in a Mrs. K’s class. She was a larger woman, in her mid-thirties, with huge glasses. It seemed that her red glasses engulfed her entire face. I remember looking at her and just seeing a concave lenses and a muffin top of blonde hair — it was an awful haircut. It was probably the style then, but it was short and too boyish for my taste.

I was a mischievous lad, that had to have a certain type of regulation. If you were too laxed, I would take you a mile, but if you were too heavy handed, I was a caged animal. It didn’t help that I had just come from an angel of a teacher Mrs. F. She wrote perfect cursive and called me sweetie. I had been tamed and spoiled.

Mrs. K was new and I was in her first class. I don’t know if she taught before, but she got the worst possible class. I wasn’t as bad as Josh and Robbie. Josh was diabolical kid – evil really. He once rode his bicycle through $5,000 worth of wet concrete because he thought it was funny. In the second grade he had kicked me in my privates receptively over a soccer ball (I was defending a girl and he didn’t like that. The teacher saw the whole thing happen and rather than intervene, he watched and gave me a couple of stars on the wall and a student of the week certificate. Thanks Mr. B).
Robbie was just silly. He would lean his chair as far back as he could and balance. After the first time he fell and everyone laughed, he would do it over, and over, and over to get some more laughs. He snuck into the girls bathroom every once in awhile. Obviously, these guys needed some TLC. There were some other knuckle heads sprinkled in the class, but the fearsome three was Josh, scheming and planning on hurting someone. Robbie throwing himself down on the ground and sucking up loogies. And me, making odd sounds every day, all day.

I sound innocent enough right? I made animal sounds, car sounds, human sounds, pooping sounds, any sound you could do on a sound board I could do it. It drove Mrs. K crazy. I didn’t know how bad I was until the parent teacher conference. My mother was very upset with me after she spoke with Mrs. K. She told me that I had made Mrs. K cry and that she even cried talking about me and my sounds.

I tried to do better, but the sounds had caught on. Josh and Robbie had taken some of my authentic sounds and morphed them into evil high pitching sounds. I had laid the foundation for them. It drove Mrs. K bonkers. She left after just one year.

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