Roughly six months ago I had the gumption and nerve to plan out a new diet. I wasn’t going to do the trendy whole 30 or the trusted paleo diet. This would be groundbreaking, possibly the genesis of a sweeping revolution for those looking for a healthy way to transform their lives. It would be so powerful that you would see ads on social media and at the bottom websites like Buzzfeed for the diet, claiming that its so transformative that people are angry about it. And unlike other diets, it was simple and affordable. Everyone could do it.

I was going to test it out on myself and then present it to the masses. I could see it in my mind’s eye: (1) the US Government would abandon their current health program and hire me to be their consultant, (2) school districts nation wide would follow my dieting plan religiously and childhood obesity would be eliminated, (3) I would win a nobel peace prize, (4) Oprah would sign my book, (5) and my before and after picture would go viral on all social media outlets. Lofty goals, but super realistic.

The diet: brown rice and beans. This is what you eat for lunch and dinner. Add some hot sauce or chicken, maybe some jalapeños, but central to the meals is rice and beans. This is the center piece, really the only piece, to your meal. Rice + Beans. BROWN RICE and beans, preferably kidney beans, but others work.

My plan was to eat this diet for a month. That would be enough time for my body to turn into a Greek god. It was going well. The first meal was a nice change of place. I patted myself on the back. The second day rolled around and I added some peppers for entertainment. I could already feel my body respond in a new way.

The next day I had to really muscle through it, but I made it. I was ever more closer to watching Oprah sign my book with, “Thank you for touching my heart in a way that no one else has.”

The four day. The four day was… it was… challenging. I took a bite of rice and beans and I decided I didn’t like rice and beans all that much. In fact, I didn’t want eat just rice and beans for a month and didn’t want to change the world. I gave it up. I failed. My body is soft and round.

But if you are feeling ambitious and want to win a nobel piece price and eliminate a serious health issue, I pass the baton to you. Go forth and hate eating, but know you are doing it for all of us.

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