softball

Big Leaguer

Chains & Dress Shirt = Success

One of my biggest regrets is that I didn’t play baseball growing up, because I would have been pro. There is little to no doubt about it. I retired before I really gave myself a chance. I was like five when I put down the glove. Left the Phillies organization in a lurch, I am sure of it. The T-ball league probably took several years to recover as well. I could have been special…  really special. I have every quality you need to be a good ball player, but mostly I look good in a ball cap.

Anyway, I have been making up for the loss of time. In order to quickly ascend to where I could have been I joined a reputable slow pitch softball team. You have to start somewhere… Part of restarting my career was playing the part. You see, I also got a lot of gold chains to play ball. Ordered them off Amazon. I am sure when you watched a MLB game you also couldn’t help but notice that some big time big leaguers have necklaces. I took note of that and I particularly liked the gold chains the true ballers would wear. This was a novel idea for me. In other sports I played you couldn’t wear jewelry. And people think baseball is boring; baseball is pretty neat!

Despite popular belief, that I was under as well, gold chains actually do not improve player performance. At least they haven’t helped me. If anything I think about them more than I do the game I am playing in. The fans though… the fans love it. So do my teammates. Its a rallying cry for us! It unifies our team. Who doesn’t love watching a full grown adult playing slow pitch softball in Anywhere, USA with gaudy gold chains around his neck? Tell me who!? Everyone loves that ishhhhhh.

I have to admit something though. Part of me likes wearing the chains. I find myself keeping them on for a couple days after the game. I don’t mind the hint of gold shining through or popping out of my shirt. People notice and always comment. I wear a chain cause it shows people something about me. The chains aren’t an accessory, its a defining characteristic of who I am. People think they got me figured out when I got my chains on…. they haven’t got a clue. Say what you want, like, “Huh, I didn’t think you were a gold chain kind of a guy,” or, “Is that a baby angel?”. All of that is just noise and I can’t hear it over my gold chains screaming, “BALLER”.

I’ll be a Big Leaguer someday. Don’t you think otherwise. I already look the part.

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